my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
