shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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