In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
