the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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