Where is the hickey?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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