Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
