I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
smell my finger.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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