I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i think my cat just said my name.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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