So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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