What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
