What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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