My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
