i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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