dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
