how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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