I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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