Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
