Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
