Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
