chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
