just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
