Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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