Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
