I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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