dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
