you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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