i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
