I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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