I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
