My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
