Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
