i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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