Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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