shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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