I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
