he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
