oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
