birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
