Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
