Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
