Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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