her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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