Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
