i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
