i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm just crazy horny about you
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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