I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
