I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
