I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
