so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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