her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
