My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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