It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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