Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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