I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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